COMPROMISE

Bargain, amicable settlement, meeting at the middle, this is how I define commitment. Individual differences will always be a part of every relationship may it be friendship, professional or intimate one. Every man is unique! Therefore we can only understand and accept the person for who and what he is.- however, what that cliché really meant was: even if you cannot fully comprehend a person it pays to just do not care about him or her nor the things he/she does or say. You just have to accept as it is. Acceptance entails nothing but being caring or not giving much for it. Love, like life had so many odds inside it. The only person who could define and label its status would be the persons who were involved in that kind of relationship. The bond entails exchange of ideas, feelings and of course showing their true colors. People will always have their ways of pushing ones limit to its nerves until it may make it shine nor destroy the person. Wheeew, relationship! Well, what can we do with that when all of us are social beings.

My point is, Compromise. To keep the fire burning, to keep the smiles , to keep the enthusiasm, the passion to communicate with people, compromise is the word that makes it work! It is defined in my own point of view as the term we use to get things done on a thing, person or circumstance that we cannot easily give up but hardly make it done. Compromise! The thing that shall motivate every soul to make it to the roads of forever. They told me, FOREVER does not exist, Well I say, as long as there are people who could testify , it shall be existing, Well who am i to know that?!.. Simple..I have the hopes, and it is relative on how you define it! Make it come true by your definition and of course it will always depend on your own perspective! Live life! Drive your own car. Decide mindfully! Now. Here comes my compromise...let me just sing it then... COMPROMISE!

Metamorphosis

It was 5:00 pm in the afternoon when I woke up after a long day of work, weird huh?!..I saw myself..hurting but bearing it all. Meaning, I am into my emotions and I can tolerate the feelings of neglect, rejection and worst is loneliness. My heart was into something, again, I feel like giving up. My hands are now running the keyboards, I do not how long this will take but i must say, i have been so busy that I CHOSE not to find time to write my thoughts and feelings and even, maybe my insights in this stage of life I am facing. Now I am faced with BEr months, and as I can say, hmmnnn...this makes me think more. This makes me succumb into my own wants, needs and wishes. What could be it that makes me smile and bring forth my multi-faceted ideas of hope and willingness. I just know I have to be a better woman not for anyone else but for an angel who believes me more than anyone. My faith keeps me holding but at times, I doubt my capacity to be better. Insecurities will always just be there. Loving and become lovable, I am now in the darkest hours of uncertainties. Life was really unfair but I am happy traversing the rough road of so-called life.

Just like the butterfly, I must spread my wings and cling into my faith- the essence of metamorphosis. Come what may! Que sera! Love shall seek its doors for me. Love shall find me in every way. I have tried to get out of my comfort zone. Loving lost souls, and even helping people. I found it challenging but I was happy with it. The act of altruism made me more productive and not idled. Life has really a lot to offer. I am defining life nowadays but my definition makes me look into more deep essence of it. I want to have an edge as a person. Mastering my emotions, I was caught into the crossroads between mastering my emotions and being numb. Why is it, that I cannot cry. Is it because I am not weak anymore and I just know who to trust and give my tears’ worth? Or is it because I am too scarred that makes me apathetic about things?... hmmnn..what a confusion?!... I asked my friend about it and she told me, I am just on the right track, but who is she to tell me that..tsk.tsk...looks like we need more awareness into oneself. Well let it be...I am letting go of my past not because i am willing to be hurt again but because I have a lot of big dreams to make a better move and not walk away on people who needs me. I met a lot of cold hearts: they were mean, they were unpredictable and most of all, they were numb, but I tried holding on it, not because I intimately love them but because I feel them, I know, they will always have a soft spot. My heartaches moulded to become better. No regrets. No regrets with people I met as well. I held their hands not for me to become better but because this what metamorphosis meant.... my definition of life... hold those people who just can’t... I want them to attract positivity in life, if possible, forever...and to be the best that I can be and they can be...=)

Hiding inside Myself (Mask of Rage)

Anguish, Rage, Angst, Anger... those were the feelings that describes me last year if my memory serves me right. Many people have seen me with the aura of a black woman. Full of negative emotions thrown towards every soul I meet along the way. To be honest, I was not aware until I was forced to come out of my comfort zone and burst into a very loud cry. Cry that has been buried for a long time. Now i know, It was not just last year. It was a product of too much suppression. It was a product of unexpressed emotions when i was not confronting every difficult situation, a product of every unfair circumstance life has thrown over me. Now that I am looking at it, I can see the changes i have had. MY shell now is broken, giving me the opportunity to make it, to explore the world and to laugh it in every tear shed for the past that has been rewarding to my personality now.

I was reborn and I must say my struggle with my mask of rage does not end here. It gives me the challenge to finally unveil it and make myself accept every unfair instances i may encounter. To deal with it with a smile on my face. I am trying hard to control my emotions, Now I’ve learned it is okay to express it. Anyway, there is another better way of expressing upset feelings and disappointments. Fixing my every relationships with people: A past lover, a family member, and every people i met and will be meeting along the way. I shall not convince people to see that I am happy. I shall first, convince myself! And foremost, make it happen! Make it reflect in my smile, in my aura. I have fallen apart but here I am standing, fixing myself and broadcasting to everybody! Renewal came with experience with and of God and of course, my psyche gave a BIG point to it. Kudos to every critic I have! I owe it all up to you...