Metamorphosis

It was 5:00 pm in the afternoon when I woke up after a long day of work, weird huh?!..I saw myself..hurting but bearing it all. Meaning, I am into my emotions and I can tolerate the feelings of neglect, rejection and worst is loneliness. My heart was into something, again, I feel like giving up. My hands are now running the keyboards, I do not how long this will take but i must say, i have been so busy that I CHOSE not to find time to write my thoughts and feelings and even, maybe my insights in this stage of life I am facing. Now I am faced with BEr months, and as I can say, hmmnnn...this makes me think more. This makes me succumb into my own wants, needs and wishes. What could be it that makes me smile and bring forth my multi-faceted ideas of hope and willingness. I just know I have to be a better woman not for anyone else but for an angel who believes me more than anyone. My faith keeps me holding but at times, I doubt my capacity to be better. Insecurities will always just be there. Loving and become lovable, I am now in the darkest hours of uncertainties. Life was really unfair but I am happy traversing the rough road of so-called life.

Just like the butterfly, I must spread my wings and cling into my faith- the essence of metamorphosis. Come what may! Que sera! Love shall seek its doors for me. Love shall find me in every way. I have tried to get out of my comfort zone. Loving lost souls, and even helping people. I found it challenging but I was happy with it. The act of altruism made me more productive and not idled. Life has really a lot to offer. I am defining life nowadays but my definition makes me look into more deep essence of it. I want to have an edge as a person. Mastering my emotions, I was caught into the crossroads between mastering my emotions and being numb. Why is it, that I cannot cry. Is it because I am not weak anymore and I just know who to trust and give my tears’ worth? Or is it because I am too scarred that makes me apathetic about things?... hmmnn..what a confusion?!... I asked my friend about it and she told me, I am just on the right track, but who is she to tell me that..tsk.tsk...looks like we need more awareness into oneself. Well let it be...I am letting go of my past not because i am willing to be hurt again but because I have a lot of big dreams to make a better move and not walk away on people who needs me. I met a lot of cold hearts: they were mean, they were unpredictable and most of all, they were numb, but I tried holding on it, not because I intimately love them but because I feel them, I know, they will always have a soft spot. My heartaches moulded to become better. No regrets. No regrets with people I met as well. I held their hands not for me to become better but because this what metamorphosis meant.... my definition of life... hold those people who just can’t... I want them to attract positivity in life, if possible, forever...and to be the best that I can be and they can be...=)