Sunday, December 27, 2009


Bargain, amicable settlement, meeting at the middle, this is how I define commitment. Individual differences will always be a part of every relationship may it be friendship, professional or intimate one. Every man is unique! Therefore we can only understand and accept the person for who and what he is.- however, what that cliché really meant was: even if you cannot fully comprehend a person it pays to just do not care about him or her nor the things he/she does or say. You just have to accept as it is. Acceptance entails nothing but being caring or not giving much for it. Love, like life had so many odds inside it. The only person who could define and label its status would be the persons who were involved in that kind of relationship. The bond entails exchange of ideas, feelings and of course showing their true colors. People will always have their ways of pushing ones limit to its nerves until it may make it shine nor destroy the person. Wheeew, relationship! Well, what can we do with that when all of us are social beings.

My point is, Compromise. To keep the fire burning, to keep the smiles , to keep the enthusiasm, the passion to communicate with people, compromise is the word that makes it work! It is defined in my own point of view as the term we use to get things done on a thing, person or circumstance that we cannot easily give up but hardly make it done. Compromise! The thing that shall motivate every soul to make it to the roads of forever. They told me, FOREVER does not exist, Well I say, as long as there are people who could testify , it shall be existing, Well who am i to know that?!.. Simple..I have the hopes, and it is relative on how you define it! Make it come true by your definition and of course it will always depend on your own perspective! Live life! Drive your own car. Decide mindfully! Now. Here comes my compromise...let me just sing it then... COMPROMISE!


It was 5:00 pm in the afternoon when I woke up after a long day of work, weird huh?!..I saw myself..hurting but bearing it all. Meaning, I am into my emotions and I can tolerate the feelings of neglect, rejection and worst is loneliness. My heart was into something, again, I feel like giving up. My hands are now running the keyboards, I do not how long this will take but i must say, i have been so busy that I CHOSE not to find time to write my thoughts and feelings and even, maybe my insights in this stage of life I am facing. Now I am faced with BEr months, and as I can say, hmmnnn...this makes me think more. This makes me succumb into my own wants, needs and wishes. What could be it that makes me smile and bring forth my multi-faceted ideas of hope and willingness. I just know I have to be a better woman not for anyone else but for an angel who believes me more than anyone. My faith keeps me holding but at times, I doubt my capacity to be better. Insecurities will always just be there. Loving and become lovable, I am now in the darkest hours of uncertainties. Life was really unfair but I am happy traversing the rough road of so-called life.

Just like the butterfly, I must spread my wings and cling into my faith- the essence of metamorphosis. Come what may! Que sera! Love shall seek its doors for me. Love shall find me in every way. I have tried to get out of my comfort zone. Loving lost souls, and even helping people. I found it challenging but I was happy with it. The act of altruism made me more productive and not idled. Life has really a lot to offer. I am defining life nowadays but my definition makes me look into more deep essence of it. I want to have an edge as a person. Mastering my emotions, I was caught into the crossroads between mastering my emotions and being numb. Why is it, that I cannot cry. Is it because I am not weak anymore and I just know who to trust and give my tears’ worth? Or is it because I am too scarred that makes me apathetic about things?... hmmnn..what a confusion?!... I asked my friend about it and she told me, I am just on the right track, but who is she to tell me that..tsk.tsk...looks like we need more awareness into oneself. Well let it be...I am letting go of my past not because i am willing to be hurt again but because I have a lot of big dreams to make a better move and not walk away on people who needs me. I met a lot of cold hearts: they were mean, they were unpredictable and most of all, they were numb, but I tried holding on it, not because I intimately love them but because I feel them, I know, they will always have a soft spot. My heartaches moulded to become better. No regrets. No regrets with people I met as well. I held their hands not for me to become better but because this what metamorphosis meant.... my definition of life... hold those people who just can’t... I want them to attract positivity in life, if possible, forever...and to be the best that I can be and they can be...=)

Hiding inside Myself (Mask of Rage)

Anguish, Rage, Angst, Anger... those were the feelings that describes me last year if my memory serves me right. Many people have seen me with the aura of a black woman. Full of negative emotions thrown towards every soul I meet along the way. To be honest, I was not aware until I was forced to come out of my comfort zone and burst into a very loud cry. Cry that has been buried for a long time. Now i know, It was not just last year. It was a product of too much suppression. It was a product of unexpressed emotions when i was not confronting every difficult situation, a product of every unfair circumstance life has thrown over me. Now that I am looking at it, I can see the changes i have had. MY shell now is broken, giving me the opportunity to make it, to explore the world and to laugh it in every tear shed for the past that has been rewarding to my personality now.

I was reborn and I must say my struggle with my mask of rage does not end here. It gives me the challenge to finally unveil it and make myself accept every unfair instances i may encounter. To deal with it with a smile on my face. I am trying hard to control my emotions, Now I’ve learned it is okay to express it. Anyway, there is another better way of expressing upset feelings and disappointments. Fixing my every relationships with people: A past lover, a family member, and every people i met and will be meeting along the way. I shall not convince people to see that I am happy. I shall first, convince myself! And foremost, make it happen! Make it reflect in my smile, in my aura. I have fallen apart but here I am standing, fixing myself and broadcasting to everybody! Renewal came with experience with and of God and of course, my psyche gave a BIG point to it. Kudos to every critic I have! I owe it all up to you...

Friday, June 19, 2009

Taking my time in this puzzle called LIFE...

I do not know why I am having an urge in writing this again to be included in my blog. I feel the drive. I do not know if my emotions are right to have my thoughts be focused on it. SO, let’s Start.
I’ve been away from love for a while and now that I am writing too much I can feel this is an addiction. Teardrops fell as fast as rain can do it on my window pane. And I realized, I have to take my time for me to be eventually okay. I just felt things were not easy. Some of it were actually wasting my time but I shall say NO REGRETS! Not because I am denying it but because I am now again under control. Like the way it used to be and it should have been. Now I know, wherever I go, I just have to take my time. I really do not know if things are now going my way but one thing is for sure I want to be happy and make a difference in me. All I am now is because of my bitter and delighting past. It was an enticing experience conglomerated with love, laughter’s and fuelled up by a thousand sensations. Now that I am taking my time, I am having my second thoughts about what LIFE has to offer for me. I opened myself to innovations. I continue challenging myself through education and meeting people different from the world that I’ve been.
I know I’ve been stupid for a while and been fooled and now confused with a heart that was bruised a million times. Is my healing time enough? Is catching myself better than letting another do it for me? I know I will be okay. I tried keeping myself busy and making it to the top and now that I am finally fine. I can’t help but think how life could just be going for me. Life is really a continuous process of learning. I asked for the signs before, vulnerable at that, and now I’ve stopped. I was swept by my overwhelming emotions and now I realized, at the end of the day, you will always go back to yourself and you alone! I was despaired, I was drowned but I kept an arm hanging on. SO much hurt and pains, now is the time to regain it and make it on the top! Now I’ve learned before asking my partner if they have loved me is not really a question to utter anymore, it is better to ask if I had love myself just enough to be treasured by another.
NOW I always know, I shall always take my time ‘till everything shall fall into its right perspective. COMPROMISE is the word that shall let us stick together! Meeting each other HALF-WAY!..Wherever you are... I know my virtue of patience shall find you in GOD’s TIME!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

HAndle yourself with CARE!...

It is not loving to stay in a place where you are happy sometimes, and sad most of the time. It is not loving to convince yourself that it is okay to stay in a place where you are not loved, honored and valued the way your heart tells you, you deserve to be. It is not self-loving, nor it is loving to others involved, to allow yourself to be mentally, emotionally or physically abused in the hope that things can, or will, get better. When you participate in actions and activities that are not loving toward you, you are helping them do things that hurt you, and that is not a loving thing to do.
It is easy to convince yourself that you must stay where you are because you have no place to go; or because you know things could get better. It is easy to overlook things that eat away at your sense of self, your sense of value, your sense of well-being. As easy as it may be to blame someone else, to try to ignore what you feel, to call your pain a sacrifice for love, you are not being loving or wise to do so. Eventually, you will be held responsible for everything you experience and how you have responded to it.
Love does not ask us to lose ourselves, harm ourselves or sacrifice ourselves for its sake. Love offers itself to us, measure for measure,what we offer it. If you are being dishonored, disrespected, physically harmed for the love you give, you must ask yourself, "Am I really giving love, or am I simply afraid to leave?"
you may have participated in being unloving toward yourself. Just for today, allow yourself to stand in the truth, honor and peace of love. Ask yourself, "Am I receiving all that I am giving?" If not, ask yourself "Why not?"
love yourself. honor yourself, remove yourself from unloving experiences... so handle yourself with care! is always worth it to be with someone who know your worth!...

Saturday, May 30, 2009

360/180 degrees... REalize the angle you are in

Leaving just isn’t easy! It is unfortunate and it happens! When it does, we fight it because leaving someone you have spent time with and loving is no easy task. In every relationship, regardless of how it started or how it is ending, there are so many good things you have convinced yourself could and should keep together. They do, until the day you wake up and realize the things that once worked no longer do.
you know you’ve changed. you’ve grown.The little things that once brought a smile to your face are now burden in your heart. you know what you have to do. you just don’t know how to do it. You don’t want anyone, especially you, to get hurt. You know that if you could just move beyond the fear, the guilt, the anticipation of anger, you could close this door. It wouldn’t be easy, but you could move on. You know you have done the best you could do. You know you have given all that you have to give. Yet for some reason you keep on trying to make it work. Well. here is something that you may not know..
When you have learned all you can learn in a relationship, its season will end. When you have healed what you came into the relationship to heal, its purpose has been fulfilled. When a relationship is over, it is over! Hanging on will only make the days ahead darker!
You may have thought that ending a realtionship was a difficult, challenging or unnecessary experience.
Acknowledge and accept all that you have learned and all that you have healed. When you can be grateful for those things, it will be easier to let go.
Acknowledge the lessons learned, blessings earned and wounds that have been healed.
Realize that people do come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime! ..that i'm seeing what I've written before. I shall say.. Realize the angle you are in..SHall you stay (360') or shall you go? (180')... As much as possible, I do not want to go over what I've written.. NOw i SEe.. I realized how painful it was for me.. Yes it WAS! and It will always will be! but one thing is for sure I am healed.. Because I can look at it now. NO tears of regrets. No disappoinments toward thyself. My life now is happier and more matured, and with a wider point of view.If you feel like the relationship you are in now is just worth saving. GO! give it a chanCE. Take not I did say, A CHANCE (not chances)..but if not.... cry it all out.give yourself a good cry. good cry, GO!because you are giving up and not letting go. The difference between the two? GIVING UP is surrendering it because it not right anymore and Letting GO is making it go when it was rightfully yourS! ....

CHANGES: ...staying.. is it for the better?!

This was written some years ago. as I've said. i've been to the ups and deepest down of my life (so far!) and had a lot of insight. My life now is diiferent. My life now laughs with or without tears. I want this to be included in my new blog since i do believe healing is aprocess and i hope that as you read on this. Healing will be in your vocabulary as Mr. Webster can anly define it and YOu! yes you! shall give meanign to it! it goes...

Some people stay in unsatisfying relationships just to be able to say they stayed. At times, we stay simply because we are tired of walking away or cannot dare ourselves to just leave thigns behind.Or we may stay for the "bragging rights" to be able to say, "I did my part! I tried really hard! I gave all I had to give!" Or we may stay hoping against hope that things will get better, that we will one day get what we believe we have given. The question is. what are you really proving? As children, we learn how to take a spanking. We learn how to run. How to hide. how to duck, dodge, and cover the various parts of our bodies to avoid the pain of spanking. If we are lucky, we eventually master what to do and how to do it to lessen the blows. The question is, what do you say about yourself when you show that you know how to take a beating? In relationships, it is quite possible to stay long after it is a healthy or wise to do so. But you can only master what you know is coming, which leaves you completely unprepared for new developments. To stay for the sake of staying could hurt or get you hurt. Beyond the physical, mental and emotional pain, there is the damage that is done to your spirit and to you as a person. When that damage happens, there is no way to duck, run or hide from the pain. You may have considered yourself brave for staying in a relationship or other situation because you knew how to STAY. SOmetimes you have to remeber that staying is not just about keeping a realtionship. WE are not actually doing a favor to the person if we are staying despite the incompatibilities and Being there for the wrong reasons instead, we are trying to put the persont in a negative entrpy. When we do not want it to change. DO you think that helps the person? would be rather blind? or be the first person brave enough to walk away or to let this person realize that he or she is not intothe both of you?
LoVe and relationship is a shared responsibility and decision of working it out. We shall evaluate oursleves in the process of nurturing it. BOth parties should be devoted to evaluating why you stay.What you must do to stay and whether or not staying is causing you spiritual pain.
Evaluate,examine motives and methods for staying in a situation where we you could possibly be hurt….LOVe is realizing…relationships never die.They change!